Don’t Procrastinate, Fellow Anxiety Sufferers

Take my motherfucking word for it: just don’t.

We’ll see how I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

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Deep

bless this blog

Thoughts on the Dead

tumblr_m9t3davvLA1ru818ao1_1280Those are my feelings.

How have you made it this long without someone beating you to death?

There is fear!

Fine. I have no sympathy, but that’s fine; you don’t need to be giving people nightmares with the pictures, though.

I AM PARALYZED WITH FEAR.

You’re typing.

EVERYTHING BUT MY FINGERS.

Deep breath, fancypants.

I don’t even know which pants to take!

How many pairs do you own?

That fit?

Yes.

One.

Everyone hates you for wasting their time.

My bed! And my things! My Beanie Babies need to be zhuzhed every day to keep them fresh!

Stop it.

I just bought bananas: I can’t go.

You’re going.

Yeah. Besides, it’s too late to come up with any sort of believable excuse.

Far too late.

You’re not allowed–

I could kill myself; I’ve done it before.

–to kill yourself. Stop it. It’s a drive and a Dead show and…

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They Put Us Through School so We Won’t End up Delinquents, Not Knowing We’re Prisoners Before Adulthood

This is how I feel about school.

Busy work, unnecessary subjects and fields of learning, and mindless memorization.

I’m absolutely reaching my breaking point. I can feel something coming up soon. I don’t know what it will be. Maybe I’ll get into a very colorful argument with someone in an authority position? Or maybe I’ll rip all of my school papers apart, recycle them, and run rampant through the streets screaming angrily at everyone? Maybe there’s something wrong with me? My anxiety is acting up like crazy these days. I need a helpful diety to point me in the right direction. Goodness, I’m going to cry!

Help Me, Help Me, Help Me

I’m insanely jumpy right now. I can’t seem to sit still, focus, or stay in my chair for more than five minutes without feeling the immense desire to get up and run around. Are there any tennis balls here at this campus that I can play with? I guess this is one of the reasons I chose to do independent study. I can get up and walk around when I need to.

But something’s coming, something big. I can feel it in my legs and my racing heart and my mind, which won’t stop its million-thoughts-a-second. I want to run in a field for hours with a ball and I want to jump and hula hoop (in the hippie world, it’s known as “hooping”, wherein you dance with a hoop). Maybe this is my body’s way of foreshadowing my magnum opus coming soon. What will it be?

I can’t even write this post. Did I take my ADD meds this morning?

Thoughts

I wish I had
None at all.

Those wretched things
That make you think (Oh, dear irony!)
That worrying
and being doubtful
are the only reasons
to have a brain at all.

Because they are not.
Do not succumb
To the dirtiness
That is sound
in your mind.

It’s distracting.