I’m Suddenly Worried About Growing Up

On most weekends, I am by myself for the majority of the morning. This is because I sleep in kind of late (9:30… not really that late by any normal teenage standards) and my family goes out and does errands or attends my sister’s sporting events.

This is a great opportunity for me to have some peace and quiet. I usually hobble out of bed and eat cereal on the couch and watch South Park.

This lovely Saturday morning, as I finished up my South Park, which I’d been watching for about an hour and a half, I went upstairs to study. I always have homework to do over the weekend, which I always ignore, but next week is Finals week and I would like to get at least a B in all my classes. So I can’t put school off this time.

But when I was opening up my computer, this sudden thought came into my mind: “How long are you going to be doing this for?”

I really started thinking about it. I’m only 15, and if I’m like the average person (knock on wood!) then I’ve got a lot of years ahead of me. That makes me feel pretty good, hoping that I can have a long, healthy life. But, then again, while I like being a “kind-0f-adult,” I also really like not being an adult because I still get to hug my mom when I’m tired or lonely, and I still don’t have to think about having a job, paying bills, and worrying about grown-up things…

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t want to grow up. Each day comes and goes so fast and I never really stop to analyze my life anymore. (That’s probably a good thing, though: I used to analyze my life so much that it became distressing and rather boring. But I’ve stopped doing that so much now, and life is getting really fast.)

I don’t ever want to see my parents die. I don’t want to live far away from my siblings. I don’t want to go to college or move out anywhere or have a boyfriend or a car or a job. I know this sounds so crazy. But c’mon, everybody feels this way deep down. Who doesn’t want to spend their time in the sweet summer air playing with their siblings in the warm grass and giving butterfly kisses to their mothers?

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