Your Mother Doesn’t Tell You This Stuff for No Reason

When she says to get out of your pajamas, take a shower, and put on some fresh clothes, do it. She means what she says, and she says what she means.

I spend the majority of my weekends wrapped in pjs, either laying on my floor or my bed, completely numbing my mind out with bad technology. I rarely wash my face unless it’s right before bed, I don’t brush my teeth except for right before bed, and I only shower on Sunday night. You get the picture.

While that’s definitely fun and relaxing to veg out, it’s also really not good for your psyche. No matter how awesome it may feel to shove pizza in your face and be the laziest damn sloth you know, deep down, you are going to feel like shit. For example, earlier this morning I was really starting to get panicky. My heart was pounding and I was feeling very nervous for no obvious reason. I probably felt this way because I’d been in the same pjs since Thursday night and I hadn’t showered since Wednesday (we haven’t got school on Friday or Monday, as we’re taking a semester break now that Finals are done, so I can let myself go a little bit). Needless to say, however, I was feeling pretty crappy.

But today I had to shower because I have a dentist’s appointment and then a post-finals barbeque with the Latin club. (JCL = life.) And honestly, now that I’ve cleaned myself for the first time in a long time, I feel so much better. Now that I’ve got clothes on that are form-fitting yet comfortable and casual, I feel so great!

The reason I got showered and dressed doesn’t exactly tie in with the title of this post. I had to clean myself up because I’m going out to see people. But on most other weekends I often complain about feeling really groggy and low and my momma always tells me to get into some clothes, get outside, and sweat. Often I don’t listen to her and end up feeling worse. I sometimes think, “This woman is crazy. Who wouldn’t want to lounge around in their pajamas all day?” Don’t get me wrong: even she thinks it’s good to lay in your pjs. But it’s not healthy to do it for two days straight every weekend. It’s not good for your mind. Sometimes you’ve just got to pick yourself up out of your funk, get some real clothes on, see the world, then shower; then you can get back into a new pair of clean pajamas at the end of the day, maybe grab someone sweet, and watch Netflix or read something calming and quiet until you drift off into dreamland. That’s how it should be done.

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Yup, I’m Actually Just Playing Coolmath Games Now

I am so tired. I slept excellently last night. But I am so tired. I would like to go back to regular school. But school for smart kids, who want to learn, who want to have political discussions and find themselves changing their opinions by the end of the day. This independent study crap is actually getting pretty boring!

But it’s still really hard for me to go to regular school. One class (Latin, and lunch with my friends, too) is plenty enough. I’m surprised I haven’t murdered everybody in Latin so far because boy, do they talk and take total advantage of the teacher. It’s VERY FRUSTRATING.

So I’m going to slack off today. I’ll be playing Bloxorz on Coolmath if anyone needs me.

My Chair at School

My chair is awful. I sit in front of the computer, wrap my legs around each other so I can lean back a little bit, and what do you know? My ass slips down the seat. It’s like I’m sitting on a leather couch. (Those things are awful, by the way: 10/10 would not recommend.) Thanks, world! Now I can’t even sit comfortably while I’m forced listen to pre-recorded video of a teacher (whose voice sounds like a mix of Taylor Swift’s and Fran Drescher’s) talk about what Barbara Tuchman meant in her evaluation of Woodrow Wilson’s speech to Congress asking them to join the first world war.

But at least I get to go to school. Some kids can’t. Some kids don’t have access to basic needs and necessities. I should be grateful that my biggest obstacle so far today is an uncomfortable chair.

Still… Fuck that. I’m so bored. It’s not like working in a library at independent study school. It gets kind of lame after a while. You have no motivation to do any work at all.

Seriously, all I want to do is play games on Coolmath. They have some sick games on that website.

I’m Sitting at the Lunch Table, Waiting For Lunch To Start and I Haven’t a More Practical Title For This Poem

In
The springtime air
Classical music
Fills my soul
To no
End
And the birds
Who sing of
Memories and
Necessity
And love
Comfort my
Brooding heart
With its empathy
And moodiness
That make me who I am

A deep thinker
Sunken in emotion
Swollen in touch
I look at the cloudy sky
In the hopes
Of one day
Seeing it as beautiful
Again.

Homework Causes Me Anxiety, But I Would Really Rather Just Lay On My Ass

Sometimes when I’m doing something as simple as laying on the couch on Sunday morning, my heart will be pounding like crazy. I know it’s happening because I’m doing what I’m not supposed to be doing. I should totally be studying for my Latin final right now. It’s got two parts to it: One on Monday and another on Thursday. I’m shaking in my boots!

But even though I’m a nervous wreck, I still have absolutely no motivation to go upstairs and get to work. I’m watching The Muppets (most recent version starring Jason Segel; best movie ever) and I REALLY don’t want to get up.

I wish they didn’t give homework on the weekends. Ugh.

Retail Therapy

Seriously, that shit works wonders. (As long as you don’t do it too often, waste money, and become dependent on material objects for happiness, it’s great.)

I just bought myself a set of four South Park pins from Amazon that I’ll put on my backpack. Each pin has one of the four boys’ faces on them. How neat!

Then I also bought a set of Grateful Dead pins. As if I needed more Dead merch… I really don’t. But man, I love them, so why not?

I also really wanted to buy a South Park travel mug because I often drink tea when I leave in the morning for my daily tasks. I think that would be so much fun to have. But damn, I ran out of money.

NOW WE WAIT. *intense smiley face*

I’m Suddenly Worried About Growing Up

On most weekends, I am by myself for the majority of the morning. This is because I sleep in kind of late (9:30… not really that late by any normal teenage standards) and my family goes out and does errands or attends my sister’s sporting events.

This is a great opportunity for me to have some peace and quiet. I usually hobble out of bed and eat cereal on the couch and watch South Park.

This lovely Saturday morning, as I finished up my South Park, which I’d been watching for about an hour and a half, I went upstairs to study. I always have homework to do over the weekend, which I always ignore, but next week is Finals week and I would like to get at least a B in all my classes. So I can’t put school off this time.

But when I was opening up my computer, this sudden thought came into my mind: “How long are you going to be doing this for?”

I really started thinking about it. I’m only 15, and if I’m like the average person (knock on wood!) then I’ve got a lot of years ahead of me. That makes me feel pretty good, hoping that I can have a long, healthy life. But, then again, while I like being a “kind-0f-adult,” I also really like not being an adult because I still get to hug my mom when I’m tired or lonely, and I still don’t have to think about having a job, paying bills, and worrying about grown-up things…

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t want to grow up. Each day comes and goes so fast and I never really stop to analyze my life anymore. (That’s probably a good thing, though: I used to analyze my life so much that it became distressing and rather boring. But I’ve stopped doing that so much now, and life is getting really fast.)

I don’t ever want to see my parents die. I don’t want to live far away from my siblings. I don’t want to go to college or move out anywhere or have a boyfriend or a car or a job. I know this sounds so crazy. But c’mon, everybody feels this way deep down. Who doesn’t want to spend their time in the sweet summer air playing with their siblings in the warm grass and giving butterfly kisses to their mothers?